Monday, May 26, 2014

Hi guys read this

1 Let’s say it’s 7.25pm and you’re going home (alone of course) after an unusually hard day on the job.

2 You’re really tired, upset and frustrated. 

3 Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up in to your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home.
4 Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far.

5 You have
been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the
course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

6 HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, with out help, the person whose heart is beating
improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only
about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. 

7 However, these victims can help themselves by coughing
repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep
inside the chest. 

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two
seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until
the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

8 Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing
movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. 

9 Tell as many
other people as possible about this. It could save
their lives!!

10 A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail

Kindly sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we’ll save at least one life.

11 Rather than sending jokes please..contribute by forwarding this mail which can save a person’s life….

12 If this message comes around you ……more than onceu…..please don’t get irritated……U need to be happy that you are being reminded of how to tackle….Heart attacks….AGAIN…
From
DR.N Sivakadakshm,senior cardiologist

Saturday, May 3, 2014

4th may

These are few questions asked in HR interview...  The answers are really stunning and inspiring........ Thinking out of the box...!  A must READ......


Question 1:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

* An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

* An old friend who once saved your life.

* The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 2: 

What will you do if I run away with your sister?

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"

Question 3:

Interviewer (to a student girl candidate)   What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl   I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked.

Question 4:

Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U   alphabet) Reply was "TEA" ( T   alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Question5;

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

___

Sometimes just thinking out of the box is all it takes! 

Share with your friend and give them a special moment of thinking...!!
Very beautiful lines 

Try to Understand People before Trusting them......B'coz we are living in such a world, Where Artificial Lemon flavor is used for "Welcome Drink" and

real lemon is used in "Finger Bowl"...

4th may

A Cheating husband decided to write this letter to his wife.

My Dear Wife, 

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, Being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.

I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife, however, after reading this letter I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 years old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight".

When the man came home late that night he found a reply of his letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college.

I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young,virile and like your secretary, he is 18 years old.

You being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference;

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow

THE HUSBAND FAINTED

Sunday, April 27, 2014

27th Apr

Thanks Guru!
🎈IMPROVE YOUR G.K.🎈

1. National Sister- Mamta Banerjee

2. National Girlfriend- Sunny Leone

3. National Tension- Salman Khan's Marriage

4. National Bachelor- Rahul Gandhi

5. National Dehshat- Sequel of Ra.One

6. National food- Kasam

7. National Struggler- Abhishek Bachchan

8. National Judge- Archana Puran Singh

9. National Mom- Sonia Gandhi

10. National Jamaai- Robert Vadra

11. National Book- Face Book

12. National Robot-Manmohan Singh

13. Natonal Bank- Swiss Bank

14. National God- Sachin Tendulkar

15. National Show- Comedy Nights with Kapil

16. National Tiger- Narendra Modi 

17: National Time Pass:
      Whatsapp

Amul - The taste of India 

Babool - The paste of India 

Rahul Gandhi- The waste of India.
Modi- the best of india.
Sonia- The guest of India..
Jo jeete wo sikandar,
Jo haare wo jail ke andar,
Jo is msg ko bheje usko jadu ki jhappi,
aur Jo na bheje usko.
 "Asaram bapu"ki pappi.
soch lo ab.....
Market ma naya hai aga frwd karo

27th Apr

Fresh stocks of Rajni jokes are here.. 

Why does the needle of a Magnetic compass always point North? Because Rajnikant lives in south & nobody dares to point at him...!

People Update Status Via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, Etc.. Rajnikant Updates Status Via Calculator...

Reporter to Rajnikant: how many jokes have been made on you till now?
Rajni: only 2 or 3.
Reporter: only 2 or 3?
Rajni: enna RASCALA! Rest all are facts!

Rajnikanth's dog's house has a signboard on it, saying..
Maalik Se Sawdhan!

Once Rajnikant Decided To Race With Time.. & The Result Is Time Is Still Running

Rajnikant participated in 1000 m race and obviously he came first But EINSTEIN died after watching that Coz ... LIGHT came second...

Galileo used 'Lamp' to Study, Graham bell used 'Candle' to study, Shakshpeare studied in 'Street lights' But .....
Do u know about Rajnikant......????
Only Agarbatti

When Rajnikant was a student! You can't guess this one...
Teachers used to bunk!

While playing once Rajnikant said "statue" to aMorni. Now that Statue is know as
"Statue of Liberty"

Rajinikanth's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikant.

Once Rajnikant was playing cricket in the monsoons.... and .... The rain was cancelled due to the match.

Why did british leave India in 1947?
Bcoz. they came to know Rajnikant was going to be born in 1948...

This Msg. is Sent in the Interest of Humanity- Guys Stop making Jokes on Rajnikant or else he will Delete INTERNET.

27th Apr

A woman playing golf, hit a man near by. 

He put his hands together between his legs, fell on ground & rolled around in pain. 

She rushed to him, and offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor.

 Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away, unzipped his pant & put her hands inside. She massaged tenderly for a few minutes & asked "How does it feel??? 

He replied "Feels gr8, but I still think my THUMB is broken"
For election in tamil nadu Erection can wait,Election cannot!

Use your finger wisely

- Sunny Leone

Dedicated to All the Logic in the World....

There were two sisters....

One of them was known as
Sister Mathematical (SM)
& the other one was known as
Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the house.

SM : Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes ?
I wonder what he wants.

SL : It's logical.
He wants to rape us.

SM : Oh, no !
At this rate he will reach us in 4 minutes at the most !
What can we do?

SL : The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.....

SM : It's not working.

SL : Of course it's not working.
The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do?
At this rate he will reach us in 2 minutes.

SL : The only logical thing we can do is split.
You go that way & I'll go this way.
He cannot follow us both.

Man follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the house and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then within few minutes Sister Logical arrives.

SM : Sister Logical !
Thank God you are here !
Tell me what happened ??

SL : The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,
so he followed Me

SM : Yes, yes !
But what happened then?

SL : The only logical thing happened.
I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And ?

SL : The only logical thing happened.
He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear !
What did you do ?

SL : The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister !
What did the Man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM :Oh, no !
What happened next ?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister ?
A Girl with her dress up can run faster than Man with his pants down !



Please  be Logical not Calculative...!!! 
PpTHIS ONE IS..AWWSMM.. I can BET..ladies are gonna LUVVV this one !!


A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burnt.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too
skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor
felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The Doctor and wife promised to the man  that they would tell no one about where the skin came from.

After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby
face!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need
every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


Impact of Job Change

During the travel taxi passenger touched driver on his shoulder to ask something ..
Driver screamed, lost control of car, went up on footpath & stopped few centimeters from a shop.
Passenger apologized n said : "I dint realise dat a little touch would scare u so much"
Driver replied : sorry its not ur fault, its my 1st day as a cab driver, i ve been driving a van carrying dead bodies from last 25 years....

MALE LOGIC

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: Rs. 300 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs Rs. 300 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 27,000. In one year, it would be approximately Rs. 3,24,000 …correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend Rs. 3,24,00 , not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at Rs. 64,80,000 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?
..
Woman:
No

Man:
Where’s your Ferrari?

27th Apr

Low Battery (Caller of the year)

A Young man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as "LOW BATTERY"..:|

Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger..
The guy was later nominated for Nobel prize for
" Innovation and Peace"

27th Apr

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools:
 
💮 Law of equality :
 
The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal u in 5 min!
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of Queue: 

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of Telephone: 

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.😅
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of Mechanical Repair: 

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of the Workshop:
 
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.😐
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮Bath Theorem: 

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of Encounters: 

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of the Result: 

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Theatre Rule: 

People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. 😅
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of Coffee: 

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
 last until the coffee is cold. 😩
 ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
 💮 Law of Proposal :
 
After u accept a proposal you will get a better one...😜

Friday, April 4, 2014

5 Apr 2014

How to keep a wife happy . . . .

It's really not difficult to make a wife happy. 
A husband only needs to be:

1. a friend 
2. a companion 
3. a lover 
4. a brother 
5. a father 
6. a man 
7. a chef 
8. an electrician 
9. a carpenter 
10. a plumber 
11. a mechanic 
12. a decorator 
13. a stylist 
14. a sexologist 
15. a gynecologist 
16. a psychologist 
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist 
19. a healer 
20. a good listener 
21. an organizer 
22. a good father 
23. Very clean 
24. Sympathetic 
25. Athletic 
26. Warm 
27. Attentive 
28. Gallant 
29. Intelligent 
30. Funny 
31. Creative 
32. Tender 
33. Strong 
34. Understanding 
35. Tolerant 
36. Prudent 
37. Ambitious 
38. Capable 
39. Courageous 
40. Determined 
41. True 
42. Dependable 
43. Passionate 
44. Compassionate 

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 

45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping 
47. Be honest 
48. Be very rich 
49. Never stress her 
50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space 

VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays 
* anniversaries 
* her favorite color 
* her favorite flower 
* her favorite gem 
* her favorite fragrance 
* her favorite memories 
* her favorite holidays 
* her favorite friends 
* her favorite vacation destinations
* her favorite beverage 
* her favorite food 
* her favorite restaurant 
* any arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A HUSBAND HAPPY

Just leave him alone..... And he'll be just fine.😜😜

Friday, March 28, 2014

28 March 2014

A wedding speech to make u smile...

Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws:

"My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house

Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines

Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it

Those cooking must keep cooking

Those cleaning must keep cleaning

I'll not disturb anybody's routine

So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only 

to eat BUN, 
have FUN &
entertain your SON.!

28 March 2014

Very nice article by Khushwant Singh who passed away this week. RIP...

How To Live & Die 
-  Khushwant Singh (96),
 
I’ve often thought about what it is that makes people happy—what one has to do in order to achieve happiness.

First and foremost is good health. If you do not enjoy good health, you can never be happy. Any ailment, however trivial, will deduct something from your happiness.

Second, a healthy bank balance. It need not run into crores, but it should be enough to provide for comforts, and there should be something to spare for recreation— eating out, going to the movies, travel and holidays in the hills or by the sea. Shortage of money can be demoralising. Living on credit or borrowing is demeaning and lowers one in one’s own eyes.

Third, your own home. Rented places can never give you the comfort or security of a home that is yours for keeps. If it has garden space, all the better. Plant your own trees and flowers, see them grow and blossom, and cultivate a sense of kinship with them.

Fourth, an understanding companion, be it your spouse or a friend. If you have too many misunderstandings, it robs you of your peace of mind. It is better to be divorced than to be quarrelling all the time.

Fifth, stop envying those who have done better than you in life—risen higher, made more money, or earned more fame. Envy can be corroding; avoid comparing yourself with others.

Sixth, do not allow people to descend on you for gup-shup. By the time you get rid of them, you will feel exhausted and poisoned by their gossip-mongering.

Seventh, cultivate a hobby or two that will fulfill you—gardening, reading, writing, painting, playing or listening to music. Going to clubs or parties to get free drinks, or to meet celebrities, is a criminal waste of time. It’s important to concentrate on something that keeps you occupied meaningfully.

Eighth, every morning and evening devote 15 minutes to introspection. In the mornings, 10 minutes should be spent in keeping the mind absolutely still, and five listing the things you have to do that day. In the evenings, five minutes should be set aside to keep the mind still and 10 to go over the tasks you had intended to do.

Ninth, don’t lose your temper. Try not to be short-tempered, or vengeful. Even when a friend has been rude, just move on.

Above all, when the time comes to go, one should go like a man without any regret or grievance against anyone.  Iqbal said it beautifully in a couplet in Persian: “You ask me about the signs of a man of faith? When death comes to him, he has a smile on his lips.”
*
*
*
I don’t fear death. What I dread is the day I go blind or am incapacitated because of old age—that’s what I fear—I’d rather die than live in that condition. I’m a burden enough on my daughter Mala and don’t want to be an extra burden on her.

All that I hope for is that when death comes to me, it comes swiftly, without much pain, like fading away in sound slumber. Till then I’ll keep working and living each day as it comes.
 
- Khushwant Singh (96) in 2011

28 March 2014

Ek Tapori ICICI Bank me gaya:Bhenchod, mere ko A/C. kholna he.LadyOfficer:  Hello Mister Tamiz se baat kijiye.Man:  Tamiz ki Maa ki Chut, Account kaun kholega vo bata.?Lady ne Manager ko Complaint kiya.Manager:  Q Battamizi kar rahe ho?Man:  Battamizi ki Maa ka Bhosda Bhadve, Meri 100Crores ki Lottery lagi hai Batao, Account kaun kholega.?Manager:  Arre Sir, Aap bhi kaha is Randi se baat kar rahe ho, Main yaha kya Maa Chudvane baitha hu…?? Plz come Sir..Moral: Targets are Targets.. Tamiz ki ma ka Bhosda..Happy March Ending  😂😂😂👍
Family's Introduction!!!

A man from UP is introducing his family:

1. Ee hai hamaar biwi..... Google Raani... Ek sawal poocho toh 10 jawab deti hai...!!!

2. Ee hai hamaar bitwa.... Facebook Kumar... Ghar ki baat sare colony tak pahuchata hai...!!!

3. Ee hai hamaar bitiya .... Twitter Kumari... Poori colony isko folow karti hai...!!!

4. Ee hai hamaar ammaji..
Whatsapp mata- pura din bud bud karti rehti hai..!

5. Aur hum, Orkut Kumar... Hamka koi puchhta hi nahi...!!!😆

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

27 March 2014

Boy went to a girl's house to propose to her . 

He bought a lotus for her and was planning to kneel down before her with it. 
He rang the bell. The door was opened and it was the girl's mom standing in front of him. 

Terrified by her disgusted look, all he could say was..

"Aunty iss baar BJP ko hee vote Dena.. Abki baar, Modi Sarkaar"..😂😂😂

27 March 2014

Old but good
A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Boy.: '9 .

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Boy.: '36 .

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to IIM AHMEDABAD, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'...

27 March 2014

Pakistani cricketers who dont know proper English, prepare answers in advance, so that they can address the Media after the matches.

One day after a match with Shoaib Malik (expecting the usual questions about the game)

Media: "So Malik, thats fantastic; your wife Sania is pregnant."

Malik: "Ya all credit goes to my team. Everyone worked hard for it, specially Afridi. It was a tight situation when he went in. His performance was really fantastic. Also the crowd gathered to watch his work, our coach also have enjoyed it, they work hard day and night, all credit goes to my coach and my team mates and special thanks to Sania who support me for this job."
 
The Media guys fainted 😂😜

26 March 2014

MANGALOREAN   COW
 
 
The only cow in a small Villlage - Carmona in Goa - stopped giving milk. 

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Mangalore quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Mangalore.

It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull from Margao(GOA) to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the Margao bull in the pasture with the  Mangalorean cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried,the cow would move away from the bull,  and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go tothe Vet from Candolim(GOA),who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Mangalore?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentionedthat they had brought the cow over from Mangalore. 

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Mangalore?"

The Candolim Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife is from Mangalore."

26 March 2014

Blast of the day:
Best Answer given by an Indian Citizen:
My Income Tax return form has been sent back
because, In response to a question for 'Number of
Dependents on you?',
I replied
65% of population who don't pay taxes,
2.1 million illegal immigrants
9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons
and above all
769 idiots in parliament.
They said, this is not an acceptable answer.
I am still wondering. Who the hell did I miss out!!. JAI HIND.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

26 March 2014

Thought for the day. 

Short sentence but rich in meaning:
"be ready to accept a temporary pain for a permanent happiness..."
Gud Morning....

26 March 2014

✊This is a killer.....
☺First Joke on A Sardarni ...     

A Plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in Economy Class gets up, and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet, that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a Sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot 
The pilot says, "You say she is a sardarni? I'll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar's language."

He goes back to Gurpreet  and whispers in her ear, and she says, 
"Oh, I’m sorry." 
and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
 
"I told her, 
"First Class is Not Going to Chandigarh." ....

26 March 2014

Risky Perception!

If you EVER, EVER, find a woman who is beautiful, has a great figure,
is intelligent, gets things done on her own, drives a car well,
has very little expectations, is not materialistic,
and loves you with crazy devotion,
please understand that the whisky you have consumed is of the highest quality...

26 March 2014

The Changing Times
1970-1985 = Sunny means Gavaskar. 
1985- 2010 = Sunny means Deol. 
2010-2025 - Sunny means Leone 

26 March 2014

🔴Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
 
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
 
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
 
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
 
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
 
🔴Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??
 
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there!
 
 
🔴A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
 
Was the necklace FAKE?
 
Nooooo! That was the deal :)
 
 
🔴A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
 
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
 
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!
 
 
Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
 
"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed..."
Prize winning message of the year-

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman - "Which book has helped you most in your life?"

 The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book !! 

26 March 2014

POSITIVE THOUGHT FOR TODAY:  

Whenever in life you are losing self control...
Just think of Sunny Leone's cameraman...!!!

26 March 2014

This is realy brilliant . U would just love it.


A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Boy.: '9 .

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Boy.: '36 .

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to IIM AHMEDABAD, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'...

26 March 2014

Super msg of the day ....
 "If newly weds are called 
"Love Birds"..
What do you call the couples married for years??.............>>

 "Angry Birds"?

26 March 2014

Brilliant Answers by a Student who
got 0%
Marks.
.
.
Q.1 - In which battle did Tipu
Sultan Died ?
Ans - In his Last Battle.
.
Q.2 - Where was the Declaration of
Independence Signed ?
Ans - At the Bottom of the Page.
.
Q.3 - What is the Main Reason for
Divorce ?.
Ans - Marriage.
.
Q.4 - Ganga Flows in which State ?
Ans - Liquid State.
.
Q.5 - When was Mahatma Gandhi
Born ?
Ans - On His Birthday
.
Q.6 - How will you Distribute 8
Mangoes
among 6 People ?
Ans - By Preparing Mango Shake!
.
Geography Teacher :
India Me sal bhar Sabse Zayda Baraf
Kaha Girti
Hai?
.
Awesome Reply By Student :
"Daaru K Glass Me.." !!

25 March 2014

Irsadh hein.....Shayari...

Machhar ne aapko kata.... ye uska junun tha... 🐜

Machhar ne aapko kata ye uska junun tha.....
Phir aapne vaha khujaya ye aapka sukun tha...
Chah kar bhi aap usse mar nahi paye...

Gaur farmaiye huzur...

Chah kar bhi aap usse mar nahi paye....

Kyoki uski rago me aapkahi khun tha...
😅😅

25 March 2014

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

☑ 1) What r u doing? 
Ans. : Business 
Tax : PAY: PROFESSIONAL TAX! 

☑ 2) What r u doing in Business? 
Ans. : Selling the Goods. 
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!! 

☑3) From where r u getting Goods? 
Ans. : From other Area/State/Abroad 
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI! AND NOW LBT & LPT.

☑ 4) What r u getting in Selling Goods? 
Ans. : Profit
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX! 

How do you distribute profit ? 
Ans : By way of dividend 
Tax : Pay DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX.

☑ 5) Where u Manufacturing the Goods? 
Ans. : Factory
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

☑ 6) Do u have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes 
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

☑7) Do you have Staff? 
Ans. : Yes 
Tax : PAY STAFF'S PROFESSIONAL TAX! 

☑ 8) Doing business in Millions? 
Ans. : Yes 
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX! 
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax (MAT).

☑ 9) r u taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank? 
Ans. : Yes, for Salary. 
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX! 

☑ 10) Where r u taking your client for Lunch & Dinner? 
Ans. : Hotel 
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 

☑11) r u going Out of Station for Business? 
Ans. : Yes 
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX! 

☑12) Hav u taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes 
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

☑ 13) How come u got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

☑ 14) Do u have any Wealth? 
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

☑ 15) To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going? 
Ans. : Cinema or Resort
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

☑ 16) Hav u purchased House? 
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

☑17) How u Travel?
Ans: Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

☑18) Any Additional Tax? 
Ans. : Yes 
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

☑ 19) Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

☑20) Do you want growth of india.?
Ans: offcource Yes .

Pay electricity tax, water tax, education tax, & other taxes, which is used by defulter people.

☑21) INDIAN :: can i die now?? 
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX....!!!!!!
Jago indian jago....
varna yaha saans lene par bhi tax lagega....
✔✔jag gaye ho or india me rahena ho to ek group ko forward jaroor kare ...
🚩🚩🚩Very correct, I request every body please forward this msg in
your individual group. 
Good share.....
🚩🚩🚩

25 March 2014

Sardar ring a call centre:
My internet is not working properly

Officer:
Ok
Double click on "My computer"

Sardar:
I can't see ur computer

Officer:
No no
click on "My computer" on ur computer

Sardar:
How can I click on ur computer from my computer?

Officer:
listen
There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on ur computer
Ok
double click on it

Sardar:
what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?

Officer:
Double click on ur computer

Sardar:
On which Icon i've to click

Officer:
"My Computer"

Sardar:
Oh Teri......Pa G
Tell me where is ur house. I'll come there and click on ur "Computer."

25 March 2014

🌋 Suprabhatam ☀

"There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live." 

Keep smiling !!😄
Be happy !!😀

25 March 2014

Thought for the day:

Make your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile.

Good morning ..! :-)

25 March 2014

I NEVER KNEW THIS ABOUT JAPAN ... ??
 
Some very good and interesting points.. Read it till the end.
 
1 - Did you know that Japanese children clean their schools every day for a quarter of an hour with teachers which has led to the emergence of a Japanese generation who is modest and keen on cleanliness.

2 - Did you know that any Japanese citizen who has a dog must carry a special bags to pick up dog droppings.  Hygiene and their eagerness to address cleanliness is part of Japanese ethics.

3 - Did you know that hygiene worker in Japan is called "health engineer" and can command salary of USD 5000 to 8000 per month, and a cleaner is subjected to written and oral tests!!

4 - Did you know that Japan does not have any natural resources, and they are exposed to hundreds of earthquakes a year, but it did not prevent her from becoming the second largest economy in the world.

5 - Did you know that Hiroshima returned to what it was, economically vibrant before the fall of the atomic bomb in just ten years.

6 - Did you know that Japan prevents the use of mobiles in trains and restaurants.

7 - Did you know that in Japan , students from the first to sixth primary years must learn ethics in dealing with people.

8 - Did you know that the Japanese, even though they are one of the richest people in the world, do not have servants and the parents are responsible for the house and children.

9 - Did you know that there is no examination from the first to the third primary level; because the goal of education is to instill concepts and character building, not just examination and indoctrination. -

10 - Did you know that if you go to a buffet restaurant in Japan you will notice people only eat as much as they need without any waste.  No wasteful food.

11 - Did you know that the rate of delayed trains in Japan is about 7 seconds per year!!
They appreciate the value of time, very punctual to minutes and seconds

12 -. Did you know that children brush their teeth after a meal at school; They maintain their health from an early age.

13 - Did you know that students take half an hour to finish their meals to ensure right digestion. When asked about this concern, they said: These students are the future of Japan
 
I NEVER KNEW THIS ABOUT JAPAN ................Do Forward pls as maximum Indians Should learn about these good points .......😊😊😊

Monday, March 24, 2014

24 March 2014

Teacher To Student -

Can U Translate
The Following Sentence
In To Single
English Word ?

"Moti Ladki Intzaar  Kar Rahi Hai. ."

Student -





"Motivating"..😂😂

Sunday, March 23, 2014

24 March 2014

GOA RADIO ORGANISED A
COMPETITION FOR POEMS, IN WHICH THE FIRST LINE MUST BE THE ROMANTIC, BUT THE SECOND LINE SHOULD BE THE OPPOSITE.

This was the winner sent by Joao Caitan :

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,

Marrying you messed up my life.

I see your face when I am  dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent,   loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

I love your smile, your face and your eyes,

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My feelings for you, no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amazing rhyme?

A bottle of tequila, one part lime !

24 March 2014

Guys.... greatest sin by a married man.....






Forgetting biwi's b'day....



It just happened to me....



Will have to pay for rest of my life or atleast till next b'day....
1 train 🚈 me Katrina without ticket
travel kar rahi thi..
Usne saree pehni thi..   
T.C. Ne
usse 100 rs fine liye..
Aishwarya ne 
jeans👖 pehni thi, 
usse
75 rs fine liye..

Karina  ne skirt pehni thi, usse 50
rs fine liye..

Par Sunny Leone se kuchh nai liya..
Why.. ??
Q ki...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Uske pas ticket tha.
Nalayako
Soch badlo desh badlega..


24 March 2014

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
Maalkin :
Tum 3 din se kaam pe nahi aayi aur bataya bhi nahi ?
Nokrani:
Madam, !!
main ne to facebook pe status update kar diya tha k
'' Going to gaaoun for 3 days ''
Sahab jee ne comment bhi kia tha.....
''Missing U gulabo''
Santa wanted to become a great scientist like Newton..

So after a lot of research he coined the 4th law of motion


"Loose motion can never be done in slow motion"!!!!!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

23 March 2014

MALE LOGIC

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: Rs. 300 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs Rs. 300 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 27,000. In one year, it would be approximately Rs. 3,24,000 …correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend Rs. 3,24,00 , not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at Rs. 64,80,000 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?
..
Woman:
No

Man:
Where’s your Ferrari?

22 March 2014

A couple 👫 watching an IPL ⚾ match on the TV 💻 together. After five minutes:

Wife: Is that Bret Lee

Husband: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.

Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies 😆 like his brother.

Husband: 😨 He does not have an actor brother

Wife: What about Bruce Lee 😄

Husband: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian 

Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.

Husband: No. It is called action replay.

Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.

Husband: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkatta 😁

Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter🚡.

Husband: 😭😭😭He is not calling for a helicopter. It’s a free hit. 😜

Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a ‘ free’ hit? 

Wife: Now whom is he saying ‘HI’ to?

Husband: He is signalling a ‘Bye’.

Wife: Why is he saying ‘Bye’. Is the game over😆😆😆? 

Wife: How many runs to win?

Husband: 72 in 36 balls

Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball

Husband turns off the TV 😂😂😂.

Wife turns it on and watches ‘Saraswasti Chandra’ 😅😅😅

Husband: Who is this Saraswati Chandra?

Wife: Tumhari Maa.😡😡😡 Don’t you dare disturb me.
😆😆😆

Husband: 😳😳😳

22 March 2014

A man dies. In Heaven he sees a Large Wall full of Clocks. 
He asks angel:"What are these for?" 
Angel answers: "These r Lie Clocks, every person has lie clock! Whenever u lie on earth, clock moves." 
The man points towards a clock n asks: Whose clock is this? 
Angel says: its Mother Teresa's. It never moved, showing that she never told lie. 
The man asks: Where is Indian Politician Arvind kejriwal's clock? 
Angel replies: That's in our office ...we use it as TABLE FAN !

22 March 2014

In a New York sidewalk, an Indian is enjoying a hearty breakfast "Coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc"

While an American, chewing a gum, sat next to him and started an unwanted conversation.

American: You Indians eat the whole bread?
Indian: Ofcourse!
American: (Blowing bubbles with his gum) we don't. We, Americans only eat what's inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle, make these into croissants and sell these to  India.
American: Do you eat jam with bread?
Indian: Ofcourse!
American: (Chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) 
We don't.
Americans eat fruits at breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and leftovers into containers, turn these into jam and sell it to India.

Indian: Do you have sex in America?
American: Ofcourse, we do!
Indian: What do you do with the condoms?
American: We throw them, of course!
Indian: We don't. In India, we put them into containers, recycle them, turn them into chewing gums and sell it to America! 

Khaalllaaaaasssss ...👌

22 March 2014

On first night both man and wife claim virginity.
Wife: if this is your first time then how you fucked
so well?
Man: if this is your 1st time then how you know I
fucked so well?


Men are raping a woman. The woman laughing
nonstop so after sometimes the men get bugged
and ask her, why she is laughing, she replies: I
have aids.


Wife bought a new transparent bra and wore in
front of her husband.
Husband: honey you look very sexy in this bra.
Wife: you know salesman was also saying same
thing.


Girl enters a sex shop.
Girl: where is the duplicate penis section?
Clerk: it's their mam.
Girl: how much for this big red one?
Clerk: sorry madam, its fire extinguisher.


Why are western guys more advanced than our
guys? Answer: they keep their minds in work and
penis in pussy, but our guys keep pussy in mind
and penis in hand.


Fate is like getting raped; if you can't fight it
learn to enjoy it. Success is like masturbation,
it's in your own hand. Education is like hiring
prostitute, it needs both money and talent.


Height of innocence: having your girl friend
naked beside you and masturbating.
Height of laziness: man having sex in train and
waiting for the train to jerk.


Most interesting T-shirt quotes of a girl. Excuse
me! My face is above.


If a married woman is called polo; the mint
with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman
called? Center fresh.


Why aunties like to have sex with youth?
Every used engine will get refreshed only when its
filled with fresh oil and it gives more mileage to
its owner.


Nurse comes in doctor room.
Doctor ask: why is your one boobs out of your
shirt?
Nurse: these medical students never keep the
things at place after use.


Height of recycling: man giving used condom 2
his son to use as a balloon and after bursting
giving to his daughter to use as hair band.


Six cans of beer 600 rs. Four pegs of whiskey
400 rs. Two taquilla shots 300rs. Driving home
with a girl who drank all this. Priceless


What will you do if you get sexy wife with
figure, with red lips, brown hair, moist boobs,
sexy waist and a penis?


Why women wear panties with printed flower?
It's a way of saying come on guys, water my
garden.


Difference between power and stamina?
Power is when a man can hang a wet towel over
his erect penis.
Stamina is to keep the penis erect till the towel
dries.


Boy: my age is 20 years.
Girl: my age is 20 years also.
Boy: so come to my room.
Girl: why?
Boy: To play 20-20 match.


Banta was travelling in an auto rickshaw with
his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror. Banta
shouted you are trying to see my wife, sit back. I
will drive.



Define rape: rape is not a crime; it's just a
surprise sex..


Wife: if I sleep with your most loving friend
what would be the first thought coming to your
mind?
Smart husband: that you are a lesbian.


Height of shame: You running with a full erect
male sex organ towards a wall and your nose
collide first.


A boy comes to class with broken specs.
Teacher: what happened?
Boy: I was kissing my girlfriend.
Teacher: but how did your specs break?
Boy: she closed her legs.


An army got married first night realizes wife
having periods.
He telegram to HQ: red alert on front extend
leave.
DQ: attack from back and report.


Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's
gone. Sex is like a pack of chips, one you start
you can't stop. Life is like a dick once it gets
hard, it fucks..


Sex teacher draws picture of male sex organ
and asked does anyone know what this is?
Kid: ya, my dad have two.
Teacher: two?
Kid: a small one for susu and big one to brush
moms teeth.


Wife in good mood rotating husbands sex organ
in bed.
Husband: you want sex?
Wife: no., just joined car driving school and
practicing gear changing.


Three ladies saw a dog fucking violently.
Dr's wife: they are enjoying life.
Lawyer's wife: no, it's a rape.
Army officer: I think the dog has come on a
holiday.

Good morning..

2 March 2014

Girl 1: ☺I went on date yesterday.

Girl 2: which restaurants?

Girl 3: which theater?
   
Girl 4: kaha kaha gye?

Girl 5: kya kya khaya?

Girl 6: Gift kya diya?

Girl 7: Bill kitna tha?

Girl 8: propose kiya?

After full inspection

All Girls: Be careful he might be a bad guy.

Girl1: OK.
.
.
.
Same situation

Boy 1: ☺I went on date yesterday.



Boy 2: Bhai Thoka?
Boy 3: Bhai Thoka?
Boy 4: Bhai Thoka?
Boy 5: Bhai Thoka?
Boy 6: Bhai Thoka? 
Boy 7: Bhai Thoka?
Boy 8: Bhai Thoka?

Boy 1: nahi re sirf dabaye 

22 March 2014

Only 1 min....................Enjoy reading this ❤
🎾🎾🎾 Please read this to  the end. 

My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and alwys bless u. I am always with you.  I need you to spend 30mns of your time with Me today. Don't pray. Just praise. Today I want this message across the world before midnight. Will you help ? Please do not  cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me ! A blessing is coming your way. Pls Drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the Best Day of your Life. Don't break this chain. Send this to 14 friends in 10mins.👼👷💂👧

Friday, March 21, 2014

22 March 2014

GM.
Rahul gandhi : Maa aapki wajah se meri shadi nahi
ho rahi hai.

Soniya : Wo kaise ?

Rahul : Aapke har poster me likha hota hai
Soniya ko
"BAHUMAT" do.😆
👍👍

22 March 2014

😉 Great Thought in Modified Version-

Wife is like a TV &
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.
At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE.

Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.

TV is free for life,
but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky & most of the time old.!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy & very portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high & demanding.

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk & listen) but
with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)

Last but not least..!
TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do...
Take Care.

Issued in Public Interest.!!!

22 March 2014

Hindi Songs & their Medical Meanings

 Jiya Jale Jaan Jale, Raat Bhar Dhuan Chale – Fever

Tadap Tadap Ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi – Heart Attack

Suhani Raat Dhal Chuki, Na Jaane Tum Kab Aoge – Constipation

Bidi Jalayle Jigar Se Piya Jigar Ma Badi Aag Hai – Acidity

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Main Kya Karoon – Cataract

Tuje Yaad Na Meri Aayi Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna – Alzheimer’s

Mann Dole Mera Tann Dole – Vertigo

Tip-Tip Barsa Pani, Pani Ne Aag Lagayi – Urinary Infection

Dil Dhadak-Dhadak Ke Keh Raha Hai –Hypertension

Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen Par Nahi Padte Mere – Corn On Feet

Haay-Re-Haay Neend Nahi Aaye –Insomnia

Batana Bhi Nahi Aata, Chupana Bhi Nahi Aata – Piles

And Sabse Mast

Lagi Aaj Saawan Ki Phir Wo Zadi Hai –Loose Motion😂😂 
Hasso... Mat jaldi frwd karo...😆 market me naya hai..

21 March 2014

MODI to Lady:
Pardes me agar koi tumhare pati ko maar dale  tum us desh ki tarakki ki sochogi ya vaat lagane ki?

LADY: obviously  Vaat lagane ki

MODI: Bilkul sahi.....Vahi to Sonia kar rahi hai....

😝😂😂plz share ekdum kdk aur ekdum naya!!!!!!

21 March 2014

Super Boss (CEO) hired a sexy secretary; but 10.days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office. 

Police: Who was there at that time in the room? 

Secretary: I was there.

Police: What happened? Why did he commit suicide?

Secretary: He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for 2,00,000, then he bought me a diamond necklace for Rs.15,00,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for Rs.5,00,000. Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just Rs.1000 a night

Moral: Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing...

21 March 2014

Some good tips of life :
-----------------------
1) Intention kitna bhi achha ho
Duniya presentation dekhti hai 
Aur
Presentation kitana bhi accha ho, Uparwala Intention dekhta hai.
Choice is urs !
✏📚
2) "Everyone have two Eyes ... But
No one has the same View... "
✏📚
3) The most important quality of successful people is their willingness to change..
✏📚
4) "Human beings are very strange.
They have ego of their knowledge
but, they don't have knowledge
of their ego".  
✏📚
6) People who judge do not matter. People who matter do not judge. 
✏📚
9) Alphabet "O" stands for Opportunity which is absent in Yesterday" Available only once in "Today", And thrice in "Tomorrow"
✏📚
10) "Pain Is Unavoidable but, 
Suffering Is Optional"
✏📚
11) SOLID QUOTE: "Patthar Sirf ek bar Mandir Jaata hai aur Bhagwan Ban Jaata hai.
.
.
 Hum Roz Mandir Jakar bhi Patthar hi Rehte hain."
✏📚
12) Only messages are not life , but ...... our life should be a message to others!!

21 March 2014

On a Friday evening, husband asks his wife: Shall we have a nice weekend... 

Wife: Sure...Sure why not:-) 

Husband: ok thanx... See U on Monday




Wife to Husband: "Shall we have Tandoori Chicken to celebrate our wedding anniversary?"

Husband:"Why punish the poor chicken for my mistake...?"




A man went to the marriage bureau to reserve wedding date...

Office was closed and he read the following Notice outside the office ...

"Office closed between 1 pm and 3 pm... you may use this time to reconsider". ... 

21 March 2014

To Each AC Car user,Now this is very interesting & MUST READ , as it's for HEALTH !...My car's manual says to roll down the windows to let out all the hot air before turning on the A/C. WHY ?

No wonder more folks are dying from cancer than ever before. We wonder where this stuff comes from, but here is an example that
explains a lot of the cancer-causing incidents.

Many people are in their cars the first thing in the morning, and the last thing at night, 7 days a week.

Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car.

Open the windows after you enter your car and then after a couple of minutes, turn ON the AC .

Here's why: According to research, the car's dashboard, seats, a/c ducts, in fact ALL of the plastic objects in your vehicle, emit Benzene,
a Cancer causing toxin. A BIG CARCINOGEN. Take the time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car when you open it,
and BEFORE you start it up.

In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anaemia and reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure can
cause Leukemia and increases the risk of some cancers. It can also cause miscarriages in pregnant women.

The "acceptable" Benzene level indoors is: 50mg per sq.ft.

A car parked indoors, with windows closed, will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene - 8 times the acceptable level.


If parked outdoors in the sun, at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level.

People who get into the car, keeping the windows closed, will eventually INHALE excessive amounts of the BENZENE toxin.

Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidneys and liver. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

So friends, please open the windows and doors of your car - give it some time for the interior to air out 
-(dispel the deadly stuff) - before you enter the vehicle.

Thought: 'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.👌👌👌

21 March 2014

Santa chemist ke pass gaya aur bola: bhai kuch
help chahiye
chemist: haan bolo?

santa ne Apni davai ki bottle me se ek chamach
chemist ko pila ke pucha:
meetha hai kya?

Chemist: nahi to, kyu kya hai ye.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa: bas yahi puchna tha  yaar! doctor ne kaha tha ki
chemist ke paas jakar
URINE Test karwa kar pata karo ki URINE me sugar
hai ke nahi.  😜😜😜

21 Match 2014

Abhishek Bacchan said to Aradhya (his daughter) " i am the superstar of bollywood". Aradhya looked into mobile and sung " no uluu banawing..no ullu banawing" !!

21 March 2014

Todays Joke..
.
Aiswariya's Daughter Araddhya Going To Play School..
Teacher- Who Is Your Grand Father??
Araddhya- Big B..
Teacher- Who Is Your Mother??
Araddhya- Miss World..
Teacher- Who Is Your Father..??
Araddhya- No Idea Sir Ji.😜😝😊😍

Thursday, March 20, 2014

21 March 204

God uses broken things beautifully.
Broken clouds pour rain;
Broken soil sets as field;
Broken crop yields seed;
Broken seed gives life to a new plant.

In any hard situation, if U feel u r broken, understand that God is planning to utilize U for some great cause !!  Stay Blessed.. !!

Good Morning

20 March 2014

Why is 1st April celebrated as All Fools' Day?
Because after paying all the taxes uptill 31st March, we all start working for the government again from 1st April!

20 March 2014

18 reasons Why we indians are unique. Reasons that only apun Indian log possess.

1. Every indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.

2. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door and the females run for their dupatta. So, keep ur friends close but your dupatta closer.

3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport/railway stn) is an important family affair. Railway stns are like a stroll in the park.

4. Every teenage girls first crush is Dhoni or Virat Kholi. Mothers approve!! Mothers dont approve film stars though!

5. We thrive on street food and we dont get sick.

6. Every indian mother has 2 careers... working/housewife + Match making

7. We have all had secret boyfriends/girlfriends. We dint care about them cheating on us but we dreaded getting caught by each others parents.

8. Indian girls have 3 type of brothers.... Real brother, cousin brother, Rakhee brother. Every indian guy is definitely somebodys rakhee brother!

9. The bride MUST cry at her Vidai. A bride has no business looking happy.

10. We go on cleaning sprees only during diwali/Christmas or when we have guests coming over.

11. However old we are, our parenrs need to know every detail of  our schedule. Daily. No excuses. No exemption.

12. When indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12. Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!

13. If we live in another city and dont call our mom daily , she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.

14. We get embarrassed in front of our parents even when the word "sex" is written on a form to specify gender.

15. No other nationality can beat indians in bargaining. "Chalo bhaiya . Na tera na mera. Itne paise theek hain."

16. No matter if we are Convent educated. When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, Hindi swear words.

16. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.

17. Why to change the remote batteries when u can just slap the shit out of the remote and make it work?

18. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.

20 March 2014

If   you   see   the   moon ..... You   see    the    beauty    of    God .....   If    you   see    the   Sun ..... You   see    the    power   of    God .....   And ....    If   you   see   the   Mirror ..... You   see     the    best    Creation of   GOD .... So    Believe   in     YOURSELF..... :) :) :).
We all are tourists & God is our travel agent who 
already fixed all our Routes Reservations & Destinations
So!
Trust him & Enjoy the "Trip" called LIFE...
Our aim in life should be
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0

🔹9-glass drinking water.  🍸🍹
🔹8-hrs sound sleep. 😴😴
🔹7-wonders tour with family. 👪
🔹6-six digit income.💰💰 
🔹5-days work a week 
🔹4-wheeler. 🚗
🔹3-bedroom flat 💒j
🔹2-cute children. 👫
🔹1-sweetheart. 🙋
🔹0-tension! 👍
Yeh zindagi milegi na dubara!! 

20 March 2014

The Polite Way to Pee 💦

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.'.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

The teacher fainted.

20 March 2014

Question: 
“Which Is The Only Hindi Measurement Unit That Describes Time, Length, Weight, Heat, Light, Power, Noise Etc.. Everything At & of Minimum Value?”

Answer: 
“Jhaant Barabar“